Welcome to Borderline Personality Disorder for Family Members
I had Borderline Personality Disorder and I recovered. I also had 2 parents with Borderline Personality Disorder. And, on top of that 6 years after my recovery from Borderline Personality Disorder there still remained some very painful, yet sacred lessons that I needed to learn in a full-circle way - I had a relationship with someone with BPD/NPD and I was firmly in the non borderline role.
There are just two experiences one could have with Borderline Personality Disorder that I haven't had. I chose, quite purposefully to not ever have a child. I decided that not only would I heal and recover, find and connect with my authentic self, take personal responsibility for myself and take my life back from BPD but that I would also break the legacy of the inter-generational BPD in my family (which I think is as much to do with environment even more than mere genetics) - the part of it that I could have any choice in. So I have not been a mother. I am not a parent. I was not someone with BPD who was a mother like so many other women who have BPD. Though as someone who had BPD and who watched and experienced my own mother's struggles with parenting, I have some ideas about how difficult that no-win situation must be for mothers with BPD unless and until they get professional help and have success in making progress in that treatment.
- The Puzzle and Mystery of Hope on the Other Side of BPD
- Inside The Borderline Mind
- The Shame of Abandonment In BPD
- Breaking Free of The Borderline Maze - Recovery For Nons
- Facing the Facts of BPD - On The Other Side For Nons
- Overcoming Denial About BPD and Love
I have learned from both sides of Borderline Personality Disorder, definitely the hard way, through my life experience and my recovery and my ability to not only endure but to thrive that there is such a central Dilemma On The Other Side of BPD - that there is a reality and truth about BPD and love that many still have difficulty understanding fully and accepting. It is so important to your mental health, on the other side of a family member with BPD that you come to a radical acceptance about the reality of your loved one's struggle with BPD (wherever they are at with it all) by Over-coming Denial About BPD and Love and facing your own grief and loss - grief and loss that you may well experience even if you are still in contact with the person with BPD in your life.
All of this first-hand life experience with Borderline Personality Disorder gives me an insightful and I believe compassionate voice and unique understanding and perspective from which to discuss the many facets of BPD - from both sides.
When it comes to family members and those on the Other Side of BPD - often referred to as non borderlines the reality is that you too need your own recovery. You too, need to Break Free of The Borderline Maze - a maze that family members live in and from until they learn how to cope more effectively with the borderline in their lives.
The reality of unchosen relationships is that they are often much more difficult to in many ways to cope with, to survive with your mental health and/or physical health in tact - they are stressful and they are much more difficult to let go of, if and when one has to come to that choice. Not that it is easy for the significant other to overcome the desire and the tendencies to want to rescue the loved one with BPD either. But if the person with BPD is your mother or father or your teen or adult-child, especially in cases where you have not abused your child the dilemma BPD presents you can be a gut-wrenching no-win situation beyond the shadow of a doubt.
There is Hope for those with BPD - hope that they can resolve the core wound of abandonment and take the journey from false self to authentic self and come to a working understanding of the dysregulated emotions that result from the shame of abandonment.
Family members can benefit from learning and understanding more about what actually is going on inside the borderline mind with the understanding that no matter how much you love someone with BPD and no matter how much you want and perhaps even feel you need them to get well and be well, you cannot rescue a person with Borderline Personality Disorder from Borderline Personality Disorder. Recovery is possible, but it is also up to the person with BPD to take personal responsibility for and to not only get professional help but to stick with it no matter how much it hurts.
Family members of those with BPD need to and will benefit from Facing 10 Key Facts About Borderline Personality Disorder and from coming to understand just how central to everything borderline Abandonment and the subsequent shame of abandonment really are, whether or not you can understand how your loved one experienced that abandonment or not.
© A.J. Mahari, August 31, 2008 - All rights reserved.
A.J. Mahari is a Life Coach who, among other things, specializes in working with those with Asperger's Syndrome and their partners, relatives, or friends. A.J. has 6 years experience as a Life Coach and coaches clients from all over the world.
